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07-May-2017 16:37

Self-sufficiency and detachment increased odds of survival.Levine and Heller observe that we are programmed to seek out emotional intelligence in the form of emotional availability when seeking a mate.By now, Florida psychologist Florence Kaslow, Ph D, has seen the pattern so often among some couples that it's practically a clinical archetype: Both parties have personality disorders (PDs)--but on opposite ends of the spectrum.The fastidious, stoic spouse with obsessive-compulsive PD clashes with the often messy, flamboyant spouse with histrionic PD.The real reason she will date him is hidden to her. Despite all of the difficulties, her sociopathic husband was someone "..whom I shared a million happy, fun times" (2009).She'll date him because he's identified her as someone who will meet a need (. The sociopath carefully crafts his relationships so that he can get his partners to do his bidding, whatever that may be.And although empirical research on the pattern is generally lacking--clinical trials on it are few and far between--support for Kaslow's contention appears in a number of books and reports in the literature, such as a theory paper on narcissistic PD in couples by Paul Links, MD, that appeared in 2002 in the (Vol. Personality schisms, however, can complicate such attempts.Even if only one partner has a full-blown PD, the other partner often shows personality tendencies in the opposite direction, notes Los Angeles psychologist Marion Solomon, Ph D, who wrote a chapter on treating borderline couples for a book Kaslow edited on couples treatment (see further reading).

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When our partners are thoroughly dependable and make us feel safe, and especially if they know how to reassure us during the hard times, we can turn out attention to all the other respects of life that make our existence meaningful.”Different attachment styles most likely evolved due to variable environmental conditions.Throughout our history secure attachment has worked best because our ancestors lived predominantly in close knit groups where working together was by far the best way to secure their future and that of their offspring.But for those born into hostile conditions, skills other than collaborative ones became more important in fending off hunger, disease, and natural disasters.Or, likewise, the self-absorbed, self-important person with narcissistic PD spars with the needy, clingy partner with dependent PD.It may seem like an oversimplification, but all too commonly one person with a PD attracts someone with a different one, Kaslow has found in her 30-plus years of practice. "They seem to have a fatal attraction for each other in that their personality patterns are complementary and reciprocal--which is one reason why, if they get divorced, they are likely to be attracted over and over to someone similar to their former partner," Kaslow says. In it, Links maintains that a narcissist's PD severity and willingness to change can make or break a couple's attempts to fix problems.

When our partners are thoroughly dependable and make us feel safe, and especially if they know how to reassure us during the hard times, we can turn out attention to all the other respects of life that make our existence meaningful.”Different attachment styles most likely evolved due to variable environmental conditions.Throughout our history secure attachment has worked best because our ancestors lived predominantly in close knit groups where working together was by far the best way to secure their future and that of their offspring.But for those born into hostile conditions, skills other than collaborative ones became more important in fending off hunger, disease, and natural disasters.Or, likewise, the self-absorbed, self-important person with narcissistic PD spars with the needy, clingy partner with dependent PD.It may seem like an oversimplification, but all too commonly one person with a PD attracts someone with a different one, Kaslow has found in her 30-plus years of practice. "They seem to have a fatal attraction for each other in that their personality patterns are complementary and reciprocal--which is one reason why, if they get divorced, they are likely to be attracted over and over to someone similar to their former partner," Kaslow says. In it, Links maintains that a narcissist's PD severity and willingness to change can make or break a couple's attempts to fix problems.explains to the lay reader the science of human attachment. Authors Levine and Heller reject the traditional therapy model that discourages dependency between individuals.